The Residential Library

The sometimes demented, frequently irreverent, and occasionally stupid musings of Ron Hargrove

In Trump I Trust

The president’s political project requires more than a few leaps of faith.


The first man to hold the office of the presidency was famous for being unable to tell a lie. Even if it wasn’t true, George Washington’s devotees believed that it was.

And wasn’t the nation better for that? Why can’t the public have that kind of trust in the current president?

Because here’s what a believer sounds like:

I trust that the crowd, which gathered on the 20th of January in 2017, was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration. That election, despite substantial evidence of voter fraud, was a landslide Electoral College victory. The Electoral College, as everyone knows, favors Democrats.

I trust that the border wall is under construction, that Mexico is paying for it and that the first few months of the current administration saw a 78 percent reduction in illegal border crossings. Good thing, too. Because the country is now full.

I trust that 400 miles of border wall will be built by year’s end. And by 400 miles, I literally mean 500 miles.

I trust that Nancy Pelosi came out in favor of the transnational violence syndicate, MS-13. I believe that Kamala Harris alsosupports MS-13. I trust that Democrats seriously want to give welfare and free health care to everyone who crosses the border. The Democrats also want to give illegal immigrants cars, I believe.

I trust the president when he says he loves Hispanics. I trust that he has had trouble hiring Floridians to work at his Mar-a-Lago resort and that he had no inkling he was employing undocumented immigrants. I also believe that the visa lottery for immigrants hands out green cards at random.

I trust that 3,000 people did not die in devastating hurricanes in Puerto Rico and that “the country” was given $91 billion to rebuild. I trust that global warming is a hoax.

I trust that energy produced in the United States is the cleanest in the world. (But not from windmills. Windmills cause cancer.) I believe that the economy is the best that it has ever been. And that 94 percent of Republicans support the president, more than backed St. Ronald Reagan.

I trust that it is really true that you need a photo ID to buy a box of cereal.

I trust that the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the National Security Agency told Congress that the Russian government didn’t interfere in the election. But I also believe that President Barack Obama (who may not have been born here) knew about Russian interference in the 2016 election and did nothing to stop it because he thought Hillary Clinton was going to win.

I believe that Mr. Trump fully cooperated with the Mueller investigation, which was itself a coup to overthrow the government of the United States.

I trust there was no obstruction.

I trust that there were very fine people on both sides in Charlottesville.

I trust the president when he says that his taxes are under an audit by the Internal Revenue Service and that Americans don’t care whether they are made public. I trust that the G.O.P.’s tax cuts, which were the biggest in history, personally cost Mr. Trump a fortune.

I do not believe that the Trump International Hotel, housed in a government-owned building on Pennsylvania Avenue and filled to the gills with wealthy foreign guests, is a continuing violation of the emoluments clause.

I trust that the murder rate nationwide is the highest it has been in nearly a half century. I also trust that violent crime nationwide is going down for the first time in a long while.

I trust that Jared and Ivanka Trump both deserve security clearances.

I trust that the Trump administration will negotiate a better deal on climate change than the Paris Agreement.

I trust that the Trump administration will negotiate a better deal than the Iran nuclear deal.

I trust that North Korea has agreed to denuclearize. I believe that the Obama administration begged for a meeting with Kim Jong-un and failed to get an audience.

I trust that it used to be impossible for Christian refugees from Syria to be admitted to the United States and that a mere 109 people were affected by the travel ban.

I trust that Germany, where crime is way up, owes large sums of money to the United States and NATO. I further trust that the president’s father was born in Germany.

I trust that the president’s first order as commander in chief was to modernize the nation’s nuclear arsenal, which is now more powerful than ever before.

I accept that the United States and France are in complete agreement over what to do about Iran’s nuclear ambitions. I trust that Prime Minister Viktor Orban of Hungary is respected across Europe.

I trust that Britain is our largest trading partner and that the deals struck during the president’s first trip abroad saved millions of jobs. I agree that the press in Britain gave the president glowing reviews.

I know that China is paying for most of the tariffs.

I trust that no administration had accomplished more in its first 90 days and I concede that by the summer of his first year in office, Trump had signed more bills passed by Congress than any of his predecessors.

I am proud that the country is now an energy exporter for the first time ever. I’m convinced that the United States has the cleanest air and water in the world.

I know that the president never attacked John McCain. I concur that the former Exxon executive and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is as “dumb as a rock.” I trust that we will be going to Mars very soon.

I believe that mothers and doctors gather over a swaddled childand decide whether or not to execute it.

I remember that the Republicans in Congress repealed Obamacare. I acknowledge that the Democrats want to tear down every building in Manhattan and replace them with windowless buildings.

I trust that E. Jean Carroll and Jessica Leeds and Rachel Crooksand Karena Virginia and Bridget Sullivan and Tasha Dixon and Mindy McGillivray and Natasha Stoynoff and Kristin Andersonand Ninni Laaksonen are all lying.

I also trust that Summer Zervos and Jill Harth and Cathy Heller and Temple Taggart McDowell and Jennifer Murphy and Jessica Drake and Cassandra Searles are totally lying.

I am not surprised that 96 percent of Google news search results come from the left-wing media, which is why the president can’t get a break when trying to save the country from an invasion of people from “shithole” countries.

And so I have to believe that when the president told four congresswomen of color to go back to the countries they came from this week, it certainly wasn’t racist. Mr. Trump, after all, doesn’t have a racist bone in his body.

I trust we can all agree that he has earned the benefit of the doubt.

Mr. Kingsbury is a member of the New York Times editorial board.

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